What you mean to me
by faiza1808
Summary: The pain became unbearable when Serena found Darien in the arms of another. The distance he had created between them suddenly became apparent forcing Serena to take a silly decision. A decision which makes everyone realize how important she really is...
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

The tear drenched figure sat crouched against the single wooden bench of the rose garden. Her head lay limply on her knees which were pulled against her aching heart. Her silky blond hair coming loose of the meatball styled buns on either side of her head; cascading at her sides in disarray. Her pale skin was flushed and stiff from the tears she had cried all afternoon; the tears that still swam in her bright blue eyes and danced down her cheeks.

The terrible sight still played before her eyes. His bitter words still lingered at her ears. Her heart denied but mind cried, reminding her of the painful moment she had witnessed that morning.

He had found someone else, someone better than her. She had feared of losing him when he had rapidly distanced himself from her, but never in a million years thought he would replace her. She was clumsy and a major klutz. She did badly at school and could be annoying at times but was she that bad? Did he not love her at all to break her heart so brutally?

She dragged the back of her hand across her face wiping the tears. She couldn't handle it anymore. There were too many expectations. She was expected to fight for love and justice. How could she fight for love when it no longer existed for her? Every battle she went through she would have to face him and she couldn't handle that. She didn't want to.

Even the Sailor scouts found her useless. She was just a careless, ditzy leader for them. Luna lectured her every night for her irresponsible behaviour. Ami fussed over her low grades; Raye about her klutziness and sometimes even Mina and Lita would step away when she annoyed them. No one cared.

She sobbed shaking slightly. Her Parents could do without their ditzy, brain dead daughter. They didn't need her. She could never make them proud the way Sammy could. Sammy was everything she was not.

She sighed rubbing her tear stained face, pulling her bag towards her. Opening the bag she gawked at the shiny metal uncertainly. It was wrong, her mind screamed but the heavy feeling of betrayal grew, the emotion filling her heart convinced her that no one cared. Her existence didn't make a difference to anyone.

She lifted the knife she had stolen from her mother's kitchen knife set that afternoon and held it to her wrist. This was it, she thought. She wouldn't be a burden to anyone anymore. Her parents could concentrate on Sammy instead of worrying about her. The scouts could appoint a new leader, someone responsible and strong.

And Darien could enjoy his life without her. No one would pressure him to be with her. After all, what was she to him; just the moon princess he had loved in his past life. He didn't love her anymore, not the ditzy, dumb Serena of the Present. Tears choked her throat at the bitter memories.

Looking around cautiously, she held onto the knife tighter then closed her eyes to the feel of unnerving pain slashing her wrist, crimson blood soaking the sleeve of her dress. Whimpering she laid her head onto the soft grass letting her mind body and soul seep into unconsciousness.

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Hey guys. This is my first attempt on a sailormoon fanfiction and well I guess. I hope you like it. Please Review...

Fuzzy


	2. Ch1 Found

**Chapter One**

Darien sighed walking down the street. Convincing Serena was harder than he thought. It broke his heart just as much, if not more when he saw her tear brimmed eyes. She looked shattered. He hated himself for breaking her heart so brutally and knew she would be crying right now. Just the thought made him mentally cringe at himself. How could he break her innocent heart? She already had enough being Sailor moon and he just added to it.

He heaved wondering what it would be like in their future battles. As much as he wanted to avoid them, it would be his only chance to have Serena close. It would be the only time he would be able to watch her without her knowing.

The woman he had held in his arms back at the arcade was Andrews's sister. Of course she had been confused when he had claimed her to be his girlfriend but she had played along when his eyes pleaded. He couldn't be more thankful that she didn't misunderstand. Handling the pain he caused Serena was more than enough for him.

He looked up when he heard his name being called "Darien" Raye called anxiously "Have you seen Serena?"

Darien frowned with concern, quickly pasting ignorance "why should I know?" he answered boorishly and sauntered down the street

"Darien this is serious" Amy called "have you seen Serena? She was supposed to meet us for a scouts meeting today"

He turned, annoyance pasting his features "listen girls. I don't have anything to do with Serena unless its got to do with the Negamoon so don't bother me"

Raye's fists bawled in anger "How can you be so heartless Darien. She's missing for god sake!" she yelled "she's been late before but never this late. We were just worried"

"Oh" he murmured "well I don't know girls. I don't keep track of her so don't bother asking again" he muttered walking away

"I swear Amy; I'm going to kill that man one day. I've never seen Serena as hurt as she looked this morning. He just makes it worse for her everyday"

"I know Raye; I wish I had stopped her this morning"

"Uhmm" Raye nodded "we should have but I guess she needed her time alone. I swear that meatball head is going to get a mouthful from me when I see her" she grumbled frustrated

"Be easy on her Raye, she needs us right now, not our anger"

"I know Amy. I'm worried for her. I have this really bad feeling that something's wrong. I hope I'm wrong but I can feel it"

"Serena is so irresponsible" Renee complained sitting crossed leg on the wooden floor of the temple

"She can be, but she's a nice girl Renee" grandpa replied offering her the freshly made doughnuts

"Mhmmm, this is tasty grandpa" she mumbled between bites "Grandpa how did Raye and Serena become friends?" grandpa looked at her uncertainly "I mean Serena's so weird and clumsy but Raye's so nice and beautiful. How did they ever become friends?"

"I don't know actually. Raye didn't have many friends before Serena. She could never keep friends. Not that I blame them" he muttered "I never really understood how they become friends myself because they always seem to be arguing. I'm just glad Raye made some steady friends. She was very lonely before Serena came. Raye will never admit it but Serena makes a difference"

She nodded listening attentively "what about the other girls. When did Raye meet them?"

"She met Amy when she met Serena"

He was cut off "I can never guess how Amy and Serena became friends" she exclaimed munching on the last of doughnuts "they are totally opposite. Amy studies so hard and Serena is so careless. Who would have thought they would ever become friends"

Grandpa chuckled "yes, Amy is a bookworm but I guess all the girls are unique in there way. Raye met Lita through Serena and mina, well I really don't know where they met but I saw her at the temple the first time"

"That's cool" Renee sighed "I wish I can make friends like them one day" she paused "excluding Serena"

They turned to look at the door hearing the loud thump. Chad peeked inside, his shaggy brown hair covering his eyes "Raye wants me to help her find Serena grandpa. Can I go?"

"I told you grandpa, Serena is so careless. Everyone is worrying about her so much. I bet she's sitting somewhere pigging out on food" Renee growled crossing her arms

"You can go Chad" grandpa answered then turned towards Renee "Why don't you go home and check if Serena's there Renee. I think the girls could use your help"

"Argh. Alright. That meatball head owes me one" she muttered walking out the door

Darien sighed aggravated. His hands itched to pick the phone and call his meatball head. Why was Serena so careless? She should have stayed with her friends if she needed consolation. Why did she have to go alone? His eyes turned to the phone. Maybe he could call and hang up once he heard her voice. Oh, but she had callers ID. How bad could this get? Defeated he pulled his jacket from the closet. Maybe a walk in the park would help him.

Walking down the park had done nothing to console him. He was restless assuming all sorts of things. He sighed dropping onto the bench. He watched the water ripple slightly with the cold wind. His meatball head must be freezing if she was out in this cold. He hoped not. He wanted her to be in the warmth of her home, her family and friends. Maybe they could help her move on. It would hurt him to see her with another man but it was best for her. He could never bear to see her die the way he saw in his dreams.

He had constantly dreamed about their wedding the past few weeks. It was a pleasant dream but as the weeks went by, the dream became a nightmare; a nightmare he could never bear. He still shuddered when he saw his small bunny drenched in tears as her hand lost his. He had taken it to be a pointless dream at first but the dream occurred constantly warning him of the dangers he caused just being with her. He could live with the pain of Serena belonging to someone else, no matter how much it hurt him; but he could never tolerate seeing her cry in agony of what his dreams showed him.

He snapped out of his thoughts hearing a scream for help. He rushed towards the voice, instinctively pulling out the rose to transform, but stopped finding no monster. He walked further finding a couple with a girl lying unconscious in the rose gardens. He rushed forward to help them but stopped dead in his tracks at the shock of golden blond hair.

"Serena" he whispered, his eyes widening with sheen wetness. He ran forward collapsing in front of her limp body. She looked so pale. Her once rosy cheeks streaked with tears, her long lashes wet on her skin "What—what happened to her?" he stuttered taking her head into his lap. He looked up when no one answered. The woman looked at the man fearfully, whilst the man looked anxious "What happened to her damn it?" he shouted

The woman looked up at him "She –she cut her wrist" she stammered "Do you know her?"

Darien gaped at her in shock "she what?" he whispered hoarsely ignoring her question

"She cut her wrist" the man answered pulling the woman close "Her pulse is shallow, she needs medical attention"

"No" Darien exclaimed "this cant be happening. Serena" he shook her "Serena get up. Meatball head. You can't leave me. Lizzie isn't my girlfriend damn it. It was fake. Serena please wake up" he laid her to the ground checking her pulse; it was shallow "someone call the ambulance" he yelled frantically "Serena hold on for me. You can't leave. You have so much to see. You can't die on me Serena, oh Serena I'm so sorry. This is all my fault" he sobbed holding her body to his chest "I wanted to protect you" he whispered "please don't leave me"

Darien stared at the doors; his eyes rimmed red from the constant tears as his heart pined for Serena's sweet words of comfort. Never in a million years had he thought that Serena would commit suicide. When he met her she was a mere clumsy brain dead high school student. He'd never imagined he would fall in the love with her. Yes, they were destined together from there past on the moon, they were soul mates but a part of him had fallen for her long before they remembered.

He had always been fascinated with her cheerful personality. She always seemed so happy; happy enough to make him jealous. He would sit at the arcade watching her smile brightly for the tiniest things. He never understood how she could be so joyful, so lively. He envied it. He'd teased her mercilessly pushing his feelings for her aside. He had the princess to worry about then and his meatball head was just too innocent to face anything he felt for her.

When he was finally with her, he was so happy. No one could make him happier than Serena. She was the light of his life. Of course she could be annoying at times but having her was worth it. His sweet bunny had a heart of gold.

His head fell into his hands, his body shaking as he sobbed tears of pain. He had caused her so much pain. He wanted to protect her. It had taken him a lot of time to accept the distances he was creating between him and his meatball head but her attempt to suicide had all that courage shattering. He couldn't carry on when she woke up. He was too scared for her.

He was cut out of his thoughts hearing the rushing footsteps of her friends and family on the cold floor of the hospital. Rubbing his face he stood up, ready to face the endless questions. If only he could answer them.

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well heres the next chapter. I'm really sorry for the late update; I just seem to be breaking something or the other of the laptop. Thx for the reviews. they were encouraging and helpful. thx to all those who added this story to there favourites as well :D and well hope u like this chapter. review plz

Fuzzy


	3. Ch 2 Dont Go

**Chapter Two**

Raye's eyes locked with Darien as she rushed down the hallway leaving Amy and Lita to console Ken and Irene. Mina had stayed back at home to comfort Sammy and Renee. They were stunned when they were told of Serena's attempt to suicide. The girls understood exactly why she had attempted something so heartless. Her broken heart was torn into pieces when she saw Darien with another woman. The little hope she had, disappeared. But it was so unlike her; of course she was clumsy and brain dead at times but it had never occurred to Raye that she would attempt suicide.

She rubbed her arm across her face wiping the remains of her dried tears. She had to be strong for now. There was much more ahead, she could feel it. Her pace slowed as she reached Darien "How is she?" she questioned, her voice hoarse.

"I don't know" he whispered "they haven't said anything"

Raye clenched her teeth once she noticed his state. His eyes were red and puffy, his nose runny from all the sniffing, his skin dry from the cried tears. Why did he do this to her if he cared so much. Why had he broken her heart so brutally "if anything happens to her" she spoke threateningly "I will make your life a living hell" she paused to glare "and you know I mean it"

He nodded silently, his wet lashes lowered "I'm sorry" he whispered

"You should be" she muttered walking towards Serena's confused parents. She led them to a bench in the waiting room "she's still being examined" she informed

Irene nodded weakly "why did she do it?" she whispered, her eyes met Raye's "I know my Serena. She isn't one to commit suicide. What happened? Why did she—"her voice hushed as a sob escaped her "why?"

Raye looked towards Amy and Lita anxiously, raising her brows in question. Amy sighed seating herself next to Irene "she's been having a hard time Irene but she'll be fine. Serena's a strong girl"

"Girls, I'd really appreciate it if you told me the truth. My daughter would never take such a drastic step without a reason. I want to help her"

"Ok Irene, we'll tell you the truth" Lita heaved, kneeling in front of her

"But Lita—"Amy protested

"There's no reason we should protect him Amy. He broke her heart" Lita exclaimed "he shouldn't even be here" she said glaring daggers at Darien who's head lowered further.

Kens face immediately shot up looking at Lita stunned. He noticed her glare and followed her gaze to a young man with ebony hair. He felt anger surge through him as he rushed towards Darien, grabbing his collar "you beast! What did you do to my baby girl" he yelled "how dare you touch her?"

Irene rushed forward pulling ken off the young man "ken, let him go" she pleaded "please ken"

Ken loosened his hold still glowering at Darien "I don't want you anywhere near my daughter, so you better keep your distance" he warned

"I'm sorry" Darien whispered, a sob escaping his throat "I didn't want to hurt her"

"You liar" Lita growled "you never would have broken her heart if you didn't want to hurt her"

"I', sorry" he repeated whimpering "I'm really sorry"

"Mina, why are you crying?" Renee asked, her voice filled with panic "you said Serena was fine"

"I'm not crying" she answered wiping the tears "I just had something in my eye" she watched Renee eye her with suspicion "believe me Renee, Serena will be ok"

"Will be?" she questioned, her eyebrow arched

Mina sighed "she's ok Renee" she stood up taking Renee's hand "now I know no ones in the house except you and Sammy, but it does not mean its not your bedtime" she's said leading Renee up the stairs

"But I don't want to sleep mina. Cant we visit Serena?"

Mina shook her head "not now Renee. I just had Sammy go to sleep. I can't leave him alone right now. We'll visit tomorrow"

"But mina"

"Renee please" she pleaded "it's been a long day, its time you go to bed"

Renee nodded silently, climbing up the stairs. She felt bad for treating Serena so badly. She wasn't as bad as she seemed. She thought back to last night, whilst she had watched Serena cry herself to sleep. Of course it had annoyed her last night when Serena mumbled and reasoned why Darien had left her but now that she thought of it, she felt bad. She should have sat up and consoled her instead of telling her to shut up. "Oh Serena" she mumbled "please be okay"

Luna crawled into the room meowing. Her wide cat eyes scanned the room for Renee and Sammy, then settled by Mina who looked lost. Her eyes shone with tears of understanding "is there any news of Serena"

Mina shook her head sadly "Amy said the doctors were still inside when they got there" she paused "Oh Luna, do you think there could be more to this? I mean you probably know Serena more than me; you've known her longer but I really don't think she is someone who would commit suicide"

Luna frowned "what do you mean mina?"

"I don't know Luna. All of us just snapped and blamed Serena's condition on Darien. I know he hurt her deeply and I will never forgive him for it but there's something more. I don't think she would take such a big step just because Darien broke her heart and moved on with another girl. She's not weak"

"Well if we think about it, it was totally unexpected but this is Serena. She does things without thinking. She doesn't think about the trouble she will cause or what will happen, she does what she likes. If anything, she should have thought of her duty as sailor moon. She really crossed the line this time" the cat growled

"This is exactly what I mean Luna. Look at the lack of trust you just showed her. And its just not today, it's everyday. One of us just has to go and make her feel like she's such a loser. She's a klutz, a brain dead teenager. What we all forget is the amount of sacrifices she has made for us. Every time we're in trouble she's the one who saves us, although she is a little late at times but she still manages to save the day. We have so many complaints piled for her when we see her but have any of us ever sat there praising her just once. Have we Luna?" she questioned, her eyes filled with emotional rage

The cat's eyes lowered silently, guilt seeping into her tiny heart. She watched mina stand up, rushing up the stairs, tears trickling down her eyes, realization dawning upon her. They had really treated Serena badly and the black cat could only wish they had a chance to ask for forgiveness.

The girls sat beside Serena's parents waiting anxiously for any news, their eyes glued to the closed doors, where Serena lay unconscious, their worry was increasing by every second ticking by. Why hadn't anyone come out yet?

Darien still stood to a side despite the several glares and taunts he was receiving. He cursed himself silently for believing those horrendous dreams he had. His life was a mess since the dreams had started. It had shattered his heart watching Serena trying different things just so that she could impress him. She had tried her level best to please him; but what did he do? He broke her heart. Shattered it so much so she would hate him, but she didn't hate him? She couldn't. She chose to die instead of enduring his hatred and just that knowledge was enough for him to fall deeper in the guilt hole. All he could do was pray for his beloved who still lay passed out behind those doors.

They all rushed towards the doctor once he stepped out of the room, waiting eagerly for what he had to say "How is she doctor?" Amy asked once the crowd stopped bombarding him with questions

"She slipped into coma" he sighed, hearing the gasps

"But that's not possible" Irene sputtered "she cant, oh" she moaned "tell me this is a bad dream. My baby girl can't just leave us like this. She has so much to do and—and she was "

"I'm really sorry. We tried our level best but there's still hope" he assured trying to calm the panicking woman "she slipped into coma. She can still come back"

"I don't understand though" Amy exclaimed "you can't slip into coma by cutting your wrist"

"it is possible" the doctor replied "When she slit her wrist, the knife she used slit over her carpal tunnel which is over here" he said pointing to the bottom of the palm " she didn't cut into it but she cut the surface. Because of this the carpal tunnel swelled. The swelling of the carpal tunnel can lead to comatose and unfortunately she didn't survive the swelling and slipped into coma"

"She can't though" Darien mumbled "she can't just leave me"

Raye turned towards him angry "this is all your fault Darien. If you didn't want her from the very start then you should have told her. She'd understand then. Why did you break her heart? Don't you have any humanity" she roared

"I didn't mean it" he murmured, tears framing his eyes "I wanted to protect her"

"And how the hell do you think you could protect her by breaking her heart Darien" Lita barked "you know what, I've had enough. You should really get going before I do something you regret"

The doctor cleared his throat "this is a hospital ma'am" he reminded

The two glared at Darien along with ken then turned towards the doctor "I'm sorry doctor" Lita muttered

He nodded then turned back hearing the frantic calls of the nurse "doctor Zuki" she called "the patients pulse is sinking"

"You said there was hope" Irene accused as she sobbed "she can't go"

"I'm sorry ma'am, I'm trying my best" he answered rushing back to the room he emerged from minutes before.

Mina sat on Serena's bed memorising the moments she had spent with Serena. She hoped she was ok. If anything happened to her she would never forgive herself. She wished she was there when Serena was weeping at her loss. They had all left her alone to weep. None of them had thought to keep an eye on her. She broke out of the train of thoughts hearing Renee yell. Mina rushed out of the door towards the attic where Renee lay gasping and writhing as she watched herself disappear "Mina" she yelled once again "what's happening to me?"

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Sorry once again for a very late chapter. I've been very busy with exams and then other stuff so havent had time to write up the chapter. But I finally managed today. Hope you like it. Thanks for the reviews and keep them coming :D

Fuzzbunny


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